Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
