I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
