then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
