I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
