i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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