I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
