I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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