you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
How naked do you want me to be?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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