Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
