if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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