One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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