If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
