You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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