I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
