i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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