You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
