Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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