I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you didnt know i had herpes?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
