we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
