What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
