I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
