john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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