so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
