Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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