Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
