Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
