Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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