just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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