Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
