I'm eating all of the evidence.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm getting married
To pizza
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You left your phone here
Wait...
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