I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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