Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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