I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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