i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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