it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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