if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize