There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
