I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
