I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
