i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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