I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
