just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
