I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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