her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
soo... how was my night?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
