mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize