You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
