We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
