his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
