the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
