Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
