Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
