good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
