You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize