You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
