If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
