i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
