her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think your dad took our porno
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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