We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
