ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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