I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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