It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
