So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
