I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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