did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
