Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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