Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
