I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
