There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
