Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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