Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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