I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
