honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
