I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
