I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
